Fur Collar January 27, 2007

Whoever invokes a blessing in the land will do so by the God of truth; he who takes an oath in the land will swear by the God of truth. For the past troubles will be forgotten and hidden from my eyes. “Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.” Isaiah 65:15-17 (NIV)

I went to the feed store to buy shavings for my horse’s stall and came home with a new jacket as well. I didn’t intend to buy anything for myself when I went in, but there right at the front door was a display rack with a 50% off sign attached. I am a sucker for clearance sales so went over to take a look. There, I found a pink vest with a fur-trimmed collar that I could not resist. I felt kind of silly buying it. Really, I did not need any other jacket. What business did an almost fifty-year-old woman have wearing a pink vest with a white fur collar? With no explanation other than my sudden desire for one, I bought it and brought it home. That evening, we were invited to a party. The weather was chilly, so I had an excuse to wear it right away. All night long, I bounced back and forth between feeling silly and feeling proud. Honestly, the collar itched and was hot, but I did not take the jacket off throughout the entire evening. It made me feel good to wear it. The next morning, I thought about that jacket and it finally dawned on me why I wanted it so. When I was a little girl, I had terrible problems with asthma and allergies. I missed so much school because I was ill that I almost had to repeat a grade. The doctor had my mom clean my room of all stuffed animals and anything with fuzz or fur. I had a white poodle toy that I had to give up because my mom thought it would make me sneeze. I cried and cried over loosing it. When I was small, I could never have had a coat such as this one. Now, fifty years later, I was making up for that hurt I felt as a child. It made me think. How many other irrational things have I done trying to make up for slights or losses I experienced in my life? Have I tried to cover up old wounds with a false image of myself? Have I made myself feel better through food? Have I looked for love in inappropriate ways? Treated my body poorly? Battled additions or poor self-esteem? How long will I live my life trying to make it up to the five year who had her feelings hurt? God says that He is the God of truth. He takes our misperceptions about our past and reveals them in the light of His reality. Not only does He help us to see what is right, but also He promised to wipe our past from our minds if we will let Him. He says that He will create a new world for us if we trust our lives to Him. I don’t have to live today’s life trying to make up for yesterday’s. Instead, God grants me a fresh start completely free from the past.