Feeling Old

For which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. 2 Timothy 1:12 (KJV)

I feel old and sadly, I can’t seem to stop whining about it. I say things to people about my hair, my health, my upcoming birthday, my child who turned twenty two today and they try to tell me I am wrong. There is nothing to worry about. My hairdresser says I have very little grey for someone my age. My doctor says she has a patient who is 104 and I am not even half that age. Friends say this is the best season of life. My husband says I have a lot to celebrate including the fact that my firstborn will soon graduate college and be off on his own. It does not matter what they say, I still feel old. Unlike a puppy caught out in the storm who shakes off the raindrops and keeps going, I cannot let go of this funk. God has a funny sense of humor for He arranged for a mental health counselor to speak to our supervisors group at work today. She spoke on stress and gave lots of tips for coping. Most of them boiled down to making better choices about handling stresses of life which are inevitable, and if handled properly, useful to keep us motivated and alert. As a result, I have been paying better attention to my choices. Some I am not doing so well with, such as my decision to stay home and make cookies tonight instead of go running. I found comfort in the sweet as I savored it on my tongue, but when I look in the mirror and see my expanding middle, I am sad again. Other times, I made better choices. I chose to come home at lunch and eat a tuna sandwich instead of heading for the mall, Chik filet and probably some stress induced shopping. Tonight, I listened to a Bible Study CD instead of turning on American Idol and watching Simon make fun of people. The teacher, Beth Moore, made a statement at the end of tonight’s lesson that sticks with me even more than the words of the psychologist today. Beth said, “It doesn’t matter how I feel, it matters what I choose to believe.” So, tonight, I will begin trying to look at the glass half full instead of half empty. I will begin by remembering this verse in Timothy which was included in one of my favorite hymns growing up. I must remember that God orders each day. He knows how much time I have left in this world and has promised to keep me safe and in the palm of His Hand. Whether “that day” of my home going is tomorrow or like my grandmother at the age of 98, I have nothing to be ashamed of if I live each day for Him. What counts is not how many days I live, but how Christ is glorified in me. Even though, I do not feel like it, I will choose to quit moping and sing:

I know not why God’s wondrous grace
To me He hath made known,
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own.

Refrain
But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not how this saving faith
To me He did impart,
Nor how believing in His Word
Wrought peace within my heart.

Refrain

I know not how the Spirit moves,
Convincing us of sin,
Revealing Jesus through the Word,
Creating faith in Him.

Refrain

I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

Refrain

I know not when my Lord may come,
At night or noonday fair,
Nor if I walk the vale with Him,
Or meet Him in the air.

Refrain

To hear the tune of this hymn, go to this link:

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/i/k/ikwihb.htm