Strong Currents

But you, O God, are my king from of old; you bring salvation upon the earth. It was you who split open the sea by your power; you broke the heads of the monster in the waters. It was you who crushed the heads of Leviathan and gave him as food to the creatures of the desert. It was you who opened up springs and streams; you dried up the ever flowing rivers. The day is yours, and yours also the night; you established the sun and moon. It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter. Psalm 74:12-17 (NIV)

Rainbow River’s surface appears calm and smooth. Unless ruffled by the wind or a boater ignoring the no wake signs, it flows easily and quietly along. Yet, underneath is a brisk, strong current that moves anything in its path a mile to two miles per hour downstream. The long green river grass is almost flattened in its path. Leaves and twigs thrown into its grip fly past on their way to the Gulf of Mexico. Once in above waist deep, unless you are a strong swimmer, you need something to hold on to or you will soon find yourself far away from where you intent to be. As I wade in, I hold fast to the dock and cast an anchor into the water to hold my tube. Just glancing at the river, you would never know what pressure lies beneath. I am a lot like that river. On the surface, I appear quiet and cool. Once something told me that they love to visit with me because I am so soothing and calm. The danger of writing about my life in five hundred words or less each day is that you get that message as well. What you don’t know unless I tell you is that I stuff, stuff, stuff the things that bother me until my body reacts in one of four ways. I clench my jaw so that I have to wear a night guard to keep from breaking my teeth in my sleep. Every day, I take medicine for a nervous stomach. Those who know me well know that when I start rubbing my hands together I am really upset because I get hives when under pressure. The last clue that all is not right is that I get a twitch in my right eye from where I broke my cheek bone in a fall several years ago. Last week, on vacation in the place where I am most at peace, I had an encounter with someone that I dearly love that left me clenching, scratching, twitching and vomiting. There is nothing I can do about this person’s choices or attitudes. While I can pretend that everything is okay, it is not, and my body reveals what my surface attitude does not. In time, the hurt will heal. In time, I will forgive, but for now, I am deeply sorrowful and distressed. If after reading my posts, you think I am self righteous and smug because you only see the surface, look deeper. These messages I write are aimed not only at you, but at me, too. Just like you, I am simply a swimmer trying to stay afloat in a current that wishes to push me downstream. The only thing I have to hold onto is my faith. God is in control and everything will turn out alright. And just about the time I think I can no longer keep my head above water, He gives me the strength to keep swimming a little longer.