MRI

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you. Psalm 139: 7-18 (NIV)

Today was my date with the big round tube and its clanging hammers. Knowing all that the MRI entailed had me edgy and nervous. As I have aged, the young fearless woman I was has developed a surprising amount of phobias. At some point in my life, claustrophobia set in. The first thing I do in the morning is open the blinds of our house so I can see outside. I don’t like stairways,elevators, parking garages, closets or tiny offices. An MRI machine presents a definite problem even if it is “an open MRI”. Believe me, there is really no such thing. At some point, you have to go inside the machine and can only get out if another human being has not fallen asleep at the controls or gone off for breakfast and forgotten you there. The perky young woman who ushered me back to the dressing room did not appear to be a torturer, so I hoped that she might be sympathetic to my plight. I tried to mask my fear by joking, but she kept a straight face when I replied to the question of any metal in my body, “Only in my teeth.” Didn’t she think that was funny? Was there a possibility that all my fillings might be sucked out of my mouth? I did as I was told. Removed all my jewelry and my glasses. Took off any clothing that had metal in it, dressed in the scrubs provided and padded down the hall behind her. “I’m a little nervous,” I confided. “What radio station do you want?” she replied. I gave her the number for my favorite Christian music station. It was still the “morning cruise” time. Perhaps the lively banter of the three DJs would distract me. I lay down on the table and slid into the machine tightly griping the emergency button. Don’t look. Close your eyes. Breathe. Focus on the music. But, there was no music. Only news, weather and traffic. I knew it was the right station, but the timing was all wrong. I gulped. Okay, God, I am putting this in your hands. I trust you and know that whatever happens is your will for me. I will listen to whatever you provide. Breathe. Soon, the DJs came on and began talking about football of all things. I hate football! Why couldn’t they be talking about something funny? Tell me a story. Take my mind off this banging and the thought that I am pinned in here. Then, the football story got hilarious as the female DJ tried to get someone to give her their tickets to the big Florida/Oklahoma game. I thought, if she can be so bold, surely I can make it in here for a few more minutes. Music played again. The first song was one of my favorites, by Tenth Avenue North, “By Your Side.” Okay, God. I think I will make it. I did. By His grace. And some help from my friends.

By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I’ll never let you go