Déjà vu

For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 1 Peter 1:18-19 (NIV)

Like Déjà vu. Wasn’t I just here? Wasn’t I just sitting at this table with this same pile of bills spread before me? It seems like I have done this once before and I have, not once, but many, many times. I get the last bill of the month paid and then, a new month begins. Some of my bills come faithfully on the first day of the month. Like a reminder to turn the page over on the calendar, I am back to juggling again. Robbing Peter to pay Paul to keep everyone happy, the lights turned on and the debt collector off the phone. Paying bills used to be much harder. Along with the struggle to find enough money, I spent an entire evening writing checks and recording them in the register. Now, I log into the computer and enter the amounts into payment accounts I have already set up. I can even schedule the date the bill will be paid so don’t have to worry about writing a check, putting it in an envelope and then, holding on to it until it’s to mail it. With the cost of stamps, I figure I am saving about $5.00 a month. Every little bit helps when you have a stack of bills to pay. Some of the payments are my own fault. I shouldn’t have pulled out that credit card but paid cash. I should pay more each month on the mortgage so we pay it off sooner. When will I give my son his own student loan bills to pay? We are insurance poor, paying on four cars, two motorcycles, a house and a liability umbrella. Throw in the flood insurance payment, and I could have bought a new house by now all that money spent on what ifs. Some of the bills are a part of living in our modern world, electric, water, garbage, phone, computer lines, but in my opinion, satellite television is a complete waste of money. Shh! Don’t tell my husband I said that, he might poison my horse, another money pit. The bills come regularly over and over and so do my guilty feelings about wrongs I have committed. I lay awake at night rehashing them, beating myself up for not doing things differently, for saying the wrong thing, making the wrong choice, missing the right opportunity. Yet, Christ came for the very reason that I am imperfect and a sinner. I will make mistakes in this life simply because I am human. My friend, Vicki, called it “slouching towards Bethlehem.” I love that phrase. I’ll get to Heaven because of what Christ has done for me, but it won’t be pretty. What I need to remember is that unlike those bills that come round each month, my debt as a sinner is completely paid in full. When I ask for forgiveness, I get a clean start. No need to fret. One less bill to pay and this one makes a difference eternally!