Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7 (KJV)
Two weeks ago, I went to the dentist with tooth pain and was relived to discover it was a sinus infection. He put me on penicillin, but almost a week later, I was worse, not better. With shooting pains in my ear, a sore throat and headache, I called our dear long time allergist who though on vacation took my call and had his nurse send in a prescription of Biaxin. I was in such pain that I took the pills even though I know that Biaxin makes me irritable. Okay, I’ll be honest, it makes me mean. So mean, that husband asked a few days later, “How many more pills do you have to take?” We first learned of this side effect of Biaxin with our children. As sick as they would get with asthma and croup, requiring emergency room visits and frequent doctor’s appointments, I would always cringe when the doctor prescribed either steroids which made them hyper or Biaxin which made them cranky. Nothing worse than a child who is sick, whiney and mean. You can’t do anything right. I was always grateful when we reached the bottom of that pill bottle. I’ve had some important decisions to make in the last few weeks. I took extra care to make sure that they were made without the affect of Biaxin’s haze. I documented, made lists, and weighed alternatives because I knew that someone would not be happy with my decisions and I wanted to make sure they were done with fairness and respect. Still, I knew that no matter how hard I tried, there were going to be repercussions and someone would be angry with me. I’m a people pleaser. I know most people care about what others think of them, but I think even more about making those around me happy. I tend to be the peacemaker, full of concession and often, err on the side of kindness. There was no opportunity to do that this time around. And as expected, I took the brunt of the reaction towards my decision. I started to have a pity party. Hey, what about me? Doesn’t anyone care about how hard this is for me? Then, I realized, it was time to put on my big girl panties and take responsibility for my decision and the repercussions. I stood on the truth of why I chose as I did and tried really hard not to care if people thought I was being mean. But, it wasn’t easy. At the grocery store last night, I stopped at the flower display and bought myself some flowers. Why not? No one else will buy them for me, I thought. Husband beat me home and when I started unloading the groceries I discovered an arrangement of flowers he got for me. Now, I have two pretty bouquets. Just a reminder that even when I think I am alone and no one cares, someone does. And not just one someone, but the Someone, God.