The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18 (NIV)
A young friend sent me an e-mail asking what to look for in a man. She’s got her priorities right, been focusing on school and finishing her degrees. She took to heart some advice I gave her several years ago courtesy of Maya Angelou, “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” She’s been spending lots of time studying her Bible, praying and being with people who can teach her about God. And low and behold, Maya turns out to have been right. In the process of drawing close to God, her path intersected with a young man on that same journey. I’m so proud of her I could pop and so pleased with God, I can’t stop praising Him for this special answer to prayer in such a perfect way. Now, when she reads this, she will blush and want to raise her hands and say, “No, wait, don’t write like it’s a done deal. After all, we just met and are only friends.” True, but if he’s not the one God has picked out for her, the friendship is a good one and a great way to learn more about what she will want in a husband. And that brings me back to her question. Of course, you have to keep your eyes open for the man that God brings into your life because He knows what is best. But, that won’t be enough for my smart cookie of a friend who will ask again, “But how do you know he’s the one God intends for you?” So, here’s what I think. There’s a certain peace or completeness, a feeling of it being “right” when you are with him. Like a piece of you that was missing has been found. I think a man should be enough like you that you can have fun together and enjoy some of the same things, but different enough to push you to try new things and to think of new ideas. He should also be someone who is strong in areas where you are weak. My husband is thrifty and frugal thinking about the future where I am a spendthrift and often think no farther than the moment. He helps to rein me in financially while I have more patience with people and encourage him to cut others some slack. When I get anxious about the future, his calmness reminds me of what is real and true. In addition to being a man of character and honesty, I think it is also important to see how he treats his friends and family. Especially his mother. Is he loyal, caring, and compassionate? Does he put others first? Is he someone that they know can be counted on to be trusted and do as he says? To keep a confidence? To give wise counsel? Someone they can call in the middle of the night when they need help? And finally, he needs to be someone who can make you laugh, because with all that life will throw at you, you need someone who can make you smile in life’s darkest moments. So, my fellow bloggers. How about offering some advice to my young friend? What should she look for in a man?
When I was about 19 and had not yet met the Island King, a much older, wiser friend of mine and I were talking about what I wanted in a man.
Her advice was this:
Make a list of the things you will NOT accept in a man.
You'll never find someone who meets every requirement you have if you make a list of what you do want because no one is perfect.
But if you know what you DON'T want finding someone will be a little easier.
I made that list of things I wouldn't accept or tolerate and not long afer I met the Island King. He's not perfect by any means but after 23 years I can safely say that I chose the right man for me.
Good luck to your friend!
You should also find a man who is willing to do the things you need to help make your own life less burdensome (just as you do things to make HIS less burdensome). I was once married to a man who didn't really want a wife, he wanted a replacement mother to do all his laundry, his cooking, his cleaning AND hold down a full-time job so that there would be extra money for the things HE wanted.
The man I'm married to now cooks. He's not very good at cleaning but he does "neat" very well, so things never get too out of hand. He's a good worker but doesn't handle money well – so I handle the money and when he needs some for something, he tells me and I let him know if it's possible at that point in time, or if we need to wait for another paycheck.
He treats me as an equal rather than as his property or slave – allows that I need to spend time with my friends and not all of it with him. And he takes care of our child as much as I do.
We are a good match in every way. The same enough to co-exist and different enough to keep it interesting.
Hey you, I'm over here in the Indian Rocks Beach area. We should all get together sometime soon.