Lucy Reporting In

You didn’t think, did you, that just by pointing your finger at others you would distract God from seeing all your misdoings and from coming down on you hard? Or did you think that because he’s such a nice God, he’d let you off the hook? Better think this one through from the beginning. God is kind, but he’s not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change. Romans 2:3-4 (The Message)

This is Lucy reporting in. Mom is too busy holding the little brat (let’s call her L.B.) to write on her blog, so I thought I would take over. The truth needs to be told about the L.B. I can’t figure out what the big deal is. Why is everyone making over the L.B.? She might be cute to those ignorant humans, but I know a con game when I see one. Really, no one can be that ignorant. Who in their right mind chases their tail? The humans all think it is so cute, but that whirling and spinning around in an attempt to get her tail into her mouth is just a distraction to make them miss the fact that she left a puddle under the dining room table. And why would anyone get into the shower with a human on purpose? Sure, it may look cute when she ducks her head inside the shower curtain and clambers over the side of the tub but she is just getting wet so she can get the bathroom floor all slippery in hopes someone falls. Why deliberately try to bite the hand who feeds you? Speaking of bite, her little razor teeth are vicious. If I did that much gnawing on their hands, I would be wearing a muzzle. I can’t believe they laughed when she pulled a whole roll of toilet paper off the roll and scattered it around the house. If I did that, you can bet, my butt would be sore from the beating. And what’s it with all this retrieving? Why would anyone feel compelled to chase a tennis ball and bring it back for more? Over and over again. Doesn’t L.B. know that only encourages them? If she just acted disinterested, they would stop, but she acts like she enjoys it! And they make such a big deal whenever she does her business in the yard. How many times have I made it out to the yard without fanfare, but she waits to squat until she gets outside and they act like she just deposited a million dollars into their bank account! The worst thing is L.B. shows me no respect. I am the learned age of 28 in dog years, but she treats me like I am her slave. She takes my toys and chews them up, jumps on me and pulls at my ears and growls when I go near her food. And again, the humans think it is cute. The L.B. needs to learn some manners. The only peace I get is when the boy takes her off hiking or to see his girlfriend. Mom says I need to be kinder and gentler. That she is just a baby. I know better. If someone doesn’t take her in hand soon, she will be running the place. And that’s my job. Everyone knows it. Or they should. That L.B. needs a firm hand. Or paw. And I’m just the one to do it.