Falling

The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24 (NIV)

What does the word “falling” bring to mind? If you are a romantic, you might think of falling in love? A gardener who appreciates falling rain? The nature lover, falling leaves? If you live in the north, you are probably sick of falling snow. How about “I’m falling and I can’t get up?” Since being diagnosed with MS, falling has become one of my greatest fears. Thinking back to symptoms I have had for a while, I probably have had MS for ten years or more. During that time, my balance has gotten out of whack, but I attributed it to clumsiness or always being in a hurry. Because I am always in a hurry. There is so much to do and so little time to do it. I developed a fear of standing too close to a ledge, climbing ladders or being at the top of stairs. I took some ribbing for it, particularly when we were in Wyoming a few years ago and I refused to move from the tram platform at the top of a mountain until the tram returned to take me back down. I never dreamed that my fear would have a physiological basis. Lately, I have to be careful not to turn too fast or I think I will lose my balance. I am going to have to give up my front row seat in the balcony at church because I can’t close my eyes in prayer without feeling like I will tip over. One side effect of MS is that your muscles constrict when they are held in the same position for a while. Sitting down for a meal locks my knee into place. The other day, I had lunch with a friend and got up to say good bye, but lost my footing and fell into her. Embarrassing. Scary. Unnerving. Perhaps it is my focus on falling that caused the words of a song sung in church yesterday to jump out at me. I have heard He Looked Beyond My Faults by Dottie Rambo sung many times:

Amazing Grace…Will always be my song of praise.
For it was grace, that brought me liberty,
I do not know, just why He came to love me so.
He looked beyond my faults and saw my need.

I shall forever lift mine eyes to Calvary,
To view the cross, where Jesus died for me
How marvelous, His grace that caught my falling soul
He Looked beyond my faults and saw my need.

But, it seemed like I heard the phrase, “His grace that caught my falling soul” for the first time. It is not only my body that needs lifting up, but my soul that was and still falls. Here at Easter week, we reflect on how God sent His Son, Jesus, to die in our place and to extend salvation that grace knew we didn’t or couldn’t earn. In a way, Jesus “fell” to earth to walk among us in our trash and hardship, in our brokenness and shame. He knows what it means to fall and still He came. At the resurrection, God lifted Him up to live again. God lifts us up to live again, too. I was talking to my friend, Patty, about what that phrase, “His grace that caught my falling soul” meant to me today and she said, “God allows us to fall so that He can help us up and we can be an example to all the others who are falling, too.” I’m falling, but with God’s grace, I’ll get back up.

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