Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
When last I wrote, I found peace and some physical help in yoga. Some of you must have been praying for me, too, because two weeks ago I also found relief from my physical symptoms in a dramatic way. Head in hand, I complained to Glen about feeling like a zombie. “I am just not myself,” I wailed. With my head about to explode from brain zaps (like lightening in your head), it occurred to me that I felt that way once before when I accidently took an antibiotic instead of the medicine I take for trigeminal neuralgia, facial pain that is associated with MS. That pain feels like your face is on fire and while the medicine that controls it is highly addictive, I gladly take it to relieve the excruciating pain. But, even a few hours late in taking the pill makes me feel out of it and dizzy. Like a zombie. More than a day late results in the very same brain zaps that I have been battling off and on for three months. That ah hah moment led me to do some research. From determining that the generic pills have changed color to a call with the pharmacist to determine when they began using a different manufacturer (three months ago!) to a follow up visit with my primary care physician to confirm that even a small change in manufacturers could be causing my symptoms was a whirlwind as I felt relief flood my mind. I was not crazy, nor was this going to be a permanent condition as I feared. After finding out that my pharmacy could not provide a generic from any other manufacturer, I found another pharmacist who gave me enough pills to get me through the weekend and see if I felt any different. Which I did-immediately. Since switching to the new medication made by a different manufacturer, I feel normal again. Who would have thought that my troubles were caused by a yellow and green pill instead of a blue and green one when both were generics of the same medicine? Not me. Instead, I blamed it on my disease and sunk deeper and deeper into depression assuming that my health was deteriorating. A simple fix restored my health and now, I can think clearly again. I feel like myself again. I am learning with MS that I shouldn’t assume the disease is the cause of all my symptoms. Some things are not related. Someone once said that assume means making “an ass out of u and me”, and I am quick to assume. I assume that because a person is one way they will always be that way. That I always know better. That life will always go a certain way. That my situation is permanent. But, change is possible. Progress can be made. Hope lives. Even in the darkest circumstances, don’t give up seeking new ways or ideas. Make the call. Change your attitude. Try something new. Don’t give up.