Getting Even

What do you know that we do not know? What insights do you have that we do not have? The gray-haired and the aged are on our side, men even older than your father. Job 15:9-10 (NIV)

While with friends, the subject turned to the annoying things our children do. It started when my husband said that when our children have homes of their own, he is going to go over there, turn the air conditioning thermostat down to 65 degrees and then, leave the house. I added that I plan on eating all the ice cream, then, returning the empty cartons back to the freezer. Our friends picked up on the rhythm and continued with their own lament and before we knew it, we had a chorus going on. Here are some of the things we plan to do to get back at them for all the years they have tortured us. After a shower, soak the towel in the bottom of the tub, then, sling it onto their bed where it will lay for hours before being discovered. Eat a half bowl of chili, then, leave the rest of it under the bed. Break the backs off of all remote controls and lose them so that the batteries fall out. Take the batteries out of all small appliances and use them in an IPOD. Borrow the charger for the cell phone and misplace it. Take someone else’s socks, wear them and then, drop them in the yard for the dog to tear up. Place half empty cans of soda in strategic areas so that the next person to come along knocks them over. Hide glasses of sweet tea around the house so that mold grows in the cup. Leave the top off the garbage can so that pets can help themselves to trash. This has a double impact as bits of paper and aluminum foil are spread throughout the house. Then, in the middle of the night, the pet gets sick on the carpet. You really get lucky if someone steps in the mess in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning. Use someone else’s computer and do not turn it off so that the battery dies down and they lose critical data. Turn on every light in the house and go for a drive. Leave the portable phone off the hook and hide it under the couch cushions. Listen while they make plans with friends, then, announce that you have to be driven somewhere that day. It is best if it is one hour away. Just far enough that it doesn’t make sense to come back home and involves a long wait in a parking lot. Make sure it is the opposite direction from where they wanted to go. Wait to tell them you have a high fever and have felt sick since you woke up until after the doctor’s office closes for the day. And finally, my personal favorite: Take wet clothes out of the washer and stack them in a pile on top of the dryer to spoil and smell. Getting old may not be so bad after all. It’s not getting old; it’s getting even.