The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. Psalm 37:23-24 (NIV)
Something happened in Guatemala that I have not been able to articulate to anyone, but I feel compelled to try and write about it here because I so badly want to share it with my friends. Perhaps I can do it justice in writing. One of my greatest fears of having MS is falling. I’ve written about it here before. In the words of my daughter-in-law who is quoting a random woman on the Internet, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” A broken bone? Joint replacement surgery? Physical Therapy? No, I ain’t got no time for that. Not to mention the mental trauma of seeing the ground rise up to meet you. I am extra careful on stairs. I hold the handrail now, sometimes treating it like trapeze artist grips the swing. I’m afraid to let go. I hold on with both hands. I scan the surface of the roadway or sidewalk before I traverse. I no longer jaywalk or read my emails while walking. I am extra careful on curbs. Most times I use the wheelchair ramp instead of the stairs. I’ve used my dog for balance when in the yard or at home. I rest my hand on her sturdy back and steady myself. I don’t want to take any chances. I don’t want to fall. This trip to Guatemala offered a lot of opportunities to walk around the historic city of Antigua. Early morning walks, a tour of the “ruins”, old churches decimated by long past earthquakes, marches to and from the market. I took advantage of most of the walks because I wanted to see the city from a different viewpoint and because, I am after all a historian. That’s what we do. On Sunday morning, our first full day in Antigua, I joined a group to tour San Francisco, a church built in the 1500s which is still active, but has had many forms. Not only did we see the current church and museum which is a shrine to Santa Hermano Pedro, known for his social work among the poor and miracles of healing, but we walked up and over the three story ruins of the first church. That morning, most of the group were new acquaintances and I wasn’t comfortable playing the MS card, so I gamely followed our leader up stairs to high parapets and down into basements. I held on to handrails where there were some, took a breath and prayed where there weren’t and accepted the helping hands of my fellow travelers when offered. Though I thought I might, I did not fall and I am so glad that I completed the tour because it was beautiful. After we left the church, we walked along Antigua streets to the Chocolate Museum for another tour. I am used to Antigua, its narrow curbs, cobblestone streets, sidewalks that end unexpectedly or contain manholes with no covers. I kept my eyes on the ground, practicing my scanning ahead and being careful. But, on a corner I do not know what happened, I saw the curb, knew where it was, figured its height and then, completely missed it. I felt myself going down onto the cobblestones in front of about 100 tourists including members of my group. It was as if it happened in slow motion. But, instead of bracing myself for impact, my body went completely out of my control. My limbs became elastic, I felt limp and when I hit the ground, it was as though someone had laid out a mattress for me. I did not hurt, I got up, brushed myself off and refused assistance from those around me. I cannot explain where that cushion came from. Certainly, the street remained hard as the stones that composed it. But, I felt the softness, completely unnatural. Perhaps it was unnatural. Perhaps it was a miracle equivalent with St. Hermano Pedro’s gifts of healing. I don’t know. But, I do know this. I am no longer afraid of falling.
Wow… Perhaps, because you relaxed rather than stiffening, your body rolled with it rather than smacking it. I was taught that in judo, but it's awfully hard to do, especially when you aren't exactly EXPECTING to fall. It would seem that God wanted you to learn that lesson and made it possible.
I have been following your posts about your MS, even though I haven't commented. I, too, have a fear of falling and breaking something. Because of vision problems, I no longer have depth perception, and I always look carefully when stepping down. I always grab a handrail too. I'm sorry that you fell, but what a feeling that must have been. Our God does go before us, doesn't He. I'm glad you are okay.
Well done!