Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13 (ESV)
My college alumni magazine came today. Reading it, I always feel a little melancholy. Not just because the year I graduated sinks farther and farther back into the class notes section. Or that I have gotten to the age that there is usually a member of my class listed in the death notices. I have to accept the fact that life as a college undergraduate is very different and that the campus has changed so much I might get lost between the once familiar buildings. No, it is because with each issue, the chances of them doing a feature story on me grows less and less. What current graduate, fresh out of school and full of possibilities would want to read about a decades old alumnus like me? While I no longer have the wish for a cover story in my college magazine high on my priority list, there was a time that such recognition was very important to me. A few years out of the school that helped to shape me into the woman I am today, I cared deeply what my fellow students and my former professors thought about me. Of course, I spent my last semester as a student raking in the awards for history, scholarship and service so I was used to a lot of attention. My picture was even in the local newspaper when I won the prize for the most outstanding female graduate. Yes, I’ve been an overachiever from way back. Separating from the place that had been my home, the academic nest that launched me into life and profession, was depressing. I missed being the star, the leader and the one so full of promise. Entry into the real world was much harder than I thought. I longed to go back to the time where everyone was my cheerleader, but I quickly realized that no one really cared about me like they did when I was in that nurturing college environment. Graduate school. Job. I was on my own. Sink or swim. It’s up to you. Even more than the fact that I just received notice that my thirty year college reunion will be held this fall, the understanding that three decades have passed is driven home by the fact that I don’t really care what people think about me anymore. When I graduated there were other young people capable of chairing the events, counseling in the dorm and working in the history department. I was not indispensable. In fact, there have been thirty other outstanding female graduates and even more winners of history and service awards. Like mine, their prizes are probably collecting dust in a box somewhere. What would I tell that young woman I once was? What would I say if I were selected as the subject of a magazine article? Don’t take yourself so seriously would be a start. Oh, and you’ll be okay. It won’t be easy, but in the end, you’ll be more than okay.
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